|Jan. 31st, 2009 @ 04:44 am 25 more things you could probably care less about|
You guys know the drill.
Nightwish White night fantasy
25 facts about me. If I tag you, you really don't need to do this. I can't promise that will NOT die by having a UFO land on you while you're having bad sex if you don't do this, but I'm pretty sure you won't. I just thought you might find this interesting. Also, if you've already done it, sorry. I can't keep track of who has and who hasn't.
1) I love music. Always have. I love to write it, sing it, make it..study it
2) I put on a great show of caring..when honestly..I dont care. I make a horrible friend at times.
3) I cannot have children. I am ok with this.
4) I lived in VA for 20ish years. I moved to WI a few months after I turned 21...I met my roommmate CJ on a mmorpg known as Dungeons and Dragons online.
5) I use to think my mom was my best friend...now im scared im going to end up hating her.
6) Lately i've noticed I have a deep seeded need for spirituality in my life. I do not respect christianity and all the bullshit that goes with it. I've dabbled in hindism, buddhism, the nitty gritty bits of paganism and various forms of herbal 'witch craft'.
7) I've decided that the medical field is where I want to go with my career...motivating myself to get off my ass and do it is a whole other issue. Sometimes im afraid im not ambitious enough for my own goals..thus having been proved a few times over and im scared i'll end up a nobody working at mcdonalds. wait...thats motivation enough right there.
8) I want to learn Russian, or Italian. But to be honest, my understandin of the english language and all the parts that make it what it is is scratchy at best. But I think, tomorrow afternoon, instead of thinking about it im going to finally do it.
9) I own two cats that I want to kill every single day. Im not a cat person.
10) I tried to do volunteer work working with disadvantaged children. It made me appreciate and respect the single mothers and fathers I met every single day...it also made me feel a hatred for my own mother and how she raised me.
11) In my lifetime, espeiclly around my 19-21..I did a LOT of drugs. I did ectasy for about four months straight, then went to cocain and snorting heroin. I did that for about a year. I do not care what yout hink of me for this, despite what you may think, not everyone is perfect, and not everyone really cares about the health and psychological side effects drug use has on them.
12) In the past two years, i've realized I do not love my boyfriend. He worships me, and the more he showers me with love, gifts, snuggles and rather amazing sex...the more distant I feel from him and I do not know what to do about it...im afraid when I leave him, it'll destory all confidence he has in himself..which is the main reason i've yet to leave.
13) I have a unhealthy love of starbucks. Im ok with this.
14)I fell in love with a man when I was 18...I destroyed him...I cheated on him with a guy named Adam, I eventually left my then fiance for Adam and dated him for over a year...in that year, we did probably 12 to 15 bottles worth of 2 month supply of pain killers...we could go thru 1 bottle in about a week. I destoryed him as well...and till this day I have a hard time feeling remorse or hurt by doing what I did to those 2..even though I tell other people different..
15) I love helping people (ironic huh?). It makes me feel a sense of happiness when I can sit down, talk to someone, and help them. A good friend of mine was suicidal when we were both doing things we shouldnt have been...after talking to him for three hours and finally both of us falling asleep on his bed, I knew that I had a gift for helping people, and started doing volunteer work at battered womens shelter, suicide help lines, and doing volunteer work with big brothers big sisters. I loved getting calls or letters fromthe people I helped letting me know I saved them in one way or another...yet in my personal life, I continued to hurt the ones I claimed to love simply because I could.
16) I use to be the center of the party...I had no problem talking with people, laughing, and having a good time...lately, I would rather stay home and play video games and forget the world is a real place with real people in it.
17) I've tried, and i've tried to write a novel. I use to write all the time. I even won a poetry contest coming in second place with a poem I wrote called 'feelings'. I no longer write anymore, unless im hurting, or very, very depressed.
18) I'll be 24 in 9 months, yet I feel i've lived about 5 lifetimes to long...is it doom and gloom of me to say that im ready to die? Possibly, but I just dont see it that way...I guess you'd have to know my beliefes about the afterlife in order to see what I mean and im not going into all that right now.
19) I kick myself in the ass every single day of my life for letting my sister abuse her kids in my presence and not knowing what to do about it. Im thankful that she has lost custody of them, and I wish my cousin (who has custody of them) would not let my sister see her children anymore...I think it would be for the best.
20) The current issue with the economy, our debt issue, or any other problems we're having right now...just..do not phase me, even though I know they should.
21) One of the only motivational forces I have in my life at the moment, is knowing that if I do not become succesful at whatever it is I do in my life, my mom will have no one to care for her when she is no longer able to do it herself. After years of working in health care and in nursing homes...I refuse to fail. For her sake at least, I will go to college, and I will make the money to support her.
22) When I dated Adam we were in a band together. I know I can sing, singing and writing have been my one true love since I can remember...for some reason though, I was always to shy to sing in front of him and when I finally did...we got offers to play in various venues around Virginia. We broke up three months later and the music died.
23) People say they have many role models in their life, or maybe they just have one...I havent found a person I admire enough to put them on a pedistal in my mind...when I do, I will probably spend the rest of my life with said person.
24) Everytime I see someone going on about the environment...it makes me want to go litter and plaster 'pave the planet' stickers on random cars.
25) Through the process of self discovery, I have discovered that I am a rather depressed person as of late but im not to sure what to do about it. I've started meditating, and getting back into things I know I love..singing, writing, making jewelry, and getting more spiritual..I took the idea from a self help book I was reading. They claim if you reconnect with things you know you love to do, or get more spiritual, that you should start to feel better...Im here to tell you, its all a lie.